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CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1)
NAME
condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
processes
SYNOPSIS
condom [options] [processid]
DESCRIPTION
condom provides protection against System Transmitted
Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the
spread of such viruses across a network can only be abated
by aware and cautious users, condom is the only highly
effective means of preventing viruses from entering your
system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed to condom by
the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). condom is
known to defend against the following viruses and other
malicious afflictions...
o AIDS
o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
o Syphilis
o Crabs
o Genital warts
o Gonhorrea
o Chlamydia
o Michelangelo
o Jerusalem
When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and /or setiud(3), condom also prevents the
conception of a child process. If invoked from within a
synchronous process, condom has, by default, an 80% chance
of preventing the external processes from becoming parent
processes (see the -s option below). When other process
contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
process from being forked becomes much greater. See
pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more
information. If no options are given, the current user's
login process (as determined by the environment variable
USER) is protected with a Trojan rough-cut latex condom
without a reservoir tip. The optional 'processid' argument
is an integer specifying the process to protect.
NOTE: condom may only be used with a hard disk. condom
will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a
floppy disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
OPTIONS
The following options may be given to condom...
-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows...
trojan (default)
ramses
sheik
goldcoin
fourex
-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are...
latex (default)
saranwrap
membrane - WARNING! The membrane option is
not endorsed by the System Administrator
General as an effective barrier against
certain viruses. It is supported only for
the sake of tradition.
-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently
supported...
plain (default)
apple
banana
cherry
cinnamon
licorice
orange
peppermint
raspberry
spearmint
strawberry
-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no
reservoir tip)
-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100
specifying the resilience of condom
against data passed to condom by the
protected process. Using a larger value of
STRENGTH increases condom's protective
abilities, but also reduces interprocess
communication. A smaller value of STRENGTH
increases interprocess communication, but
also increases the likelihood of a
security breach. An extremely vigorous
process or one passing an enormous amount
of data to condom will increase the chance
of condom's failure. The default STRENGTH
is 80%.
-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are...
rough (default)
ribbed
bumps
lubricated (provides smoother interaction
between processes)
WARNING: The use of an external application to condom in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven
in benchmark tests to decrease condom's strength factor!
If execution speed is important to your process, use the
'-t lubricated' option.
DIAGNOSTICS
condom terminates with one of the following exit codes...
-1 An attempt was made to use condom on a floppy disk.
0 condom exited successfully (no data was passed to
the synchronous process).
1 condom failed and data was allowed through. The
danger of transmission of an STV or the forking
of a child process is inversely proportional to
the number of other protections employed and is
directly proportional to the ages of the processes
involved.
BUGS
condom is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus
(although the System Administrator General has deemed that
condom is the most effective means of preventing the
spread of system transmitted viruses). See celibacy(1) for
information on a 100% effective program for preventing
these problems.
Remember... the use of sex(6) and other related routines
should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If
you must use sex(6), please employ condom to protect your
process and your synchronous process. If we are all
responsible, we can stop the spread of STVs.
AUTHORS and HISTORY
The original version of condom was released in Roman times
and was only marginally effective. With the advent of
modern technology, condom now supports many more options
and is much more effective.
The current release of condom was written by Ken Maupin at
the University of Washington (maupin@cs.washington.edu)
and was last updated on 10/7/92.
SEE ALSO
celibacy(1), sex(6), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1),
and setiud(3)
http://www.myhood.ch
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